music notes
by TabithaAllanah
Summary: harry couldnt accept magic, so he fled before his first year, to america, this is a tale of love, family, trust issues, and music notes.
1. Chapter 1

hi, welcome to the world of music notes.i do not own harry potter if i did, i would make him a slytherin and force him to hav etea parties with voldie, nor do i own kimya dawson or her awesome songs!.

* * *

"Hello class, and welcome to a new year. How were your summers? Hmm?"

A rumble was heard from all the tiny children, Mrs Lennon smiled as she watched all the young kids excitedly talk between themselves, some were bold and proudly proclaiming how great there vacation was to anyone who would listen, some were mumbling between each others; others trying to prove how great there holidays were from there partners.

Yet there was one, quietly staring around, with wide frightful eyes. Mrs Lennon's gaze hardened upon seeing his face, she always worried about this boy, always scared of his home life and what he could of seen, she sighed, she had tried to talk to him about it, but he would always stay quite, there were no scars or bruises for evidence against the gruesome people she assumed made such a cute boy so fearful, he looked about 5 compared to the other children who were aged 6-7, no its because his naturally short she said to herself trying to convince herself against her terrible thoughts.

She coughed. "Okay settle down class" the children stirred but didn't quieten down. "Shh! I said settle down!"

The class became silent. She smiled warmly towards all the children below her. "Now I have a surprise today. The school just got a lot of money to help you guys out. The money has gone towards our music rooms and now we have loads of wonderful different instruments. Now isn't that really exciting?"

All the kids squealed with delight, muttering between themselves. Mrs Lennon saw out the corner of her eye the little boy's eyes become wider with surprise and joy. She looked again and his head was down, out of her sight.

She ushered all her young children out of there usual classroom, having to shout at Timmy for trying to run away to a different classroom, then try and quieten down her large group. They finally made it into the music room; it was large and filled to the prim of different kinds of instruments, going from the strange percussion instruments from Africa to brightly coloured ukuleles. Then there was a Sitar standing proudly near a door, Mrs Lennon peered through the window to look through into the room, through the door was a beautiful piano, it was a black grand piano, with the light dancing joyfully around it . She smiled instantly knowing who should have the pleasure of such a instrument.

She turned towards her class talking to them, explaining where all the instruments came from and carefully gave one to each student and each student excitedly ran off playing each instrument with broad smiles till music filled the room and one kid start in a corner staring at his classmates, he was feeling such immense pleasure just being around all the instruments, watching how they worked and the beautiful notes flying around him, ever since he could remember he loved music, he loved how it pushed away all his thoughts but at the same time gave him the lyrics to think of. Transferring the artist's feelings and thoughts to you, even if they didn't make sense to you or if you had never felt that way before. He always wanted to play but his auntie wouldn't let him, and his uncle; well he shivered to think what would happen if he asked, he was pulled from his thoughts when Mrs Lennon walked towards him, he was always grateful for her class, no one ever stared at him in his class because they all like her so it meant that no one noticed him. She smiled and asked him to follow him.

"There's a special instrument for you, through this door" His eyes widened, special was never good, special meant standing out. He didn't like special. He stopped following his teacher and stared at the door. Mrs Lennon noticing his sudden stop, smiled warmly she was use to this now, He never liked it when she talked to him individually.

"Don't worry, your not in trouble, please trust me." He stared at her for a moment unsure on what to do, but scared of upsetting her, he started to follow her again.

She smiled and opened the door to the piano room. She looked down at the boys face, his eyes were wide, he looked into the room, all he could see was a big black thing in the middle of the room, it was a unusual shape, and he was unsure of the black shaped thing at first but he saw how the light was innocently glowing around it, he looked up towards his teacher, trembling he asked her;

"Um ma'am. What is it?" he looked up at his teachers face but swiftly dropped his head, Mrs Lennon was shocked, how could a child not know what a piano was, he was 7 years old for gods sake.

"It's a piano, haven't you heard of one before?" she asked walking towards the piano and sitting of the stool, she begged him forward with her arms. She played a quick song her mother had taught her, her fingers elegantly dotted all over the notes.

And then she heard someone accompanying her, she looked down and saw the little boy playing along, his fingers all over the place, his face one of concentration.

Stunned she stopped play. He looked up at her fear written all over his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't…I'm sorry" he started sobbing, freaking out.

"You did absolutely nothing wrong. You're extremely gifted harry."

* * *

Harry Potter aged 11 hummed quietly to himself on his way back from school. It was the last day, he was sad to leave school, unlike the other students. School; harry thought, his only refuge from his home. School; the one place were he was okay, were he could play his music.

After finding out about his amazing gift, Mrs Lennon took to sitting with him after school in the music rooms, guiding him, helping him with his music, he could now play the guitar, piano, drums and sing. He had made her promise not to tell uncle. He stated that he had told them already, and they had decided that he wouldn't peruse it as a career. She was angry about this, but allowed harry to keep it a secret. He told his auntie that he had to do extra work because he was falling behind. Mrs Lennon became like the mother he never had. She helped him, encouraged him where his family never had.

Harry walked into the house closing his door. No one was home like usual. He went around tidying up, moving dirty clothes into the washer, and cleaning plates from last night, all the while humming to himself. He went to his cousins room, tidied his room up, but then his humming died out. He stopped holding Dublys dirty sheets between his fingers. The door had slammed shut. A grunt and a shuffling of feet could be heard from underneath harry; he tensed. Hurriedly squishing the sheets close to him and hastily tip toed downstairs, sweat was building on his forehead. Why was he home? He isn't supposed to be home. Squeak. Harry paused, his heart hammering in his chest, his hand suddenly clammy.

His uncle who was lazily slouching on the couch, which was worn down and discoloured in areas, his uncles shirt was barely covering his huge stomach and his hair was muddled and in complete disarray but at the squeak of the floorboards his uncle twisted his hefty body around, his eyes were bloodshot and his moves lethargic from alcohol.

"BOY" he slurred, moving to get to his feet, he swayed slightly taking a couple of measured steps closer, even with his slow movements harry stayed extremely still the sheets still clutched close to his heart, sweat slowly dripping down his panicky face. His auntie had left two years ago, ran away with a neighbour. Leaving her loving son to become an ASBO, terrorising the streets, while his uncle became a swine, always at bars or wondering the streets. They ignored him, always did, which was weird, it was like he didn't exist, but not existing was better then when he was noticed, because when he was noticed; bad things happened.

His uncle leered with a dangerous look in his eyes.

Harry whimpered, dropping the sheets.

The next week, harry spent locked in his cupboard scared to leave in case his uncle was there, which was silly since his uncle had probably left to go back to the bar or pub. Yet harry painfully sat in the minuscule cupboard. He closed his eyes and started to make songs up in his head, and slowly sang…

_My head is pounding I can't stop the pounding  
I think it is going to explode  
and kill everybody who's in close proximity to the place I call my home  
and they'll make a moving made for TV movie for Life Time all about my life  
that ends with an epitaph one that will make you laugh  
that says "great person okay son"  
and it'll be funny to the people who know me  
who know if my body's not burned  
my soul will spend an eternity in misery  
tethered and bound to this earth  
so I'm not a dick or a stick in the mud always ruining things for my friends  
I mustn't forget when I see the sun set that tomorrow it will rise again_

_so I tattoo instructions on my ass  
that say "don't ever put this body in a casket  
burn it and put the ashes in a basket  
and throw them in the Puget Sound  
I don't ever want to be under ground  
oh no, oh no  
I don't eve want to be under ground-_

And then his eyes widened, he had heard something, his heart started to pulsate in his chest. He opened his cupboard door a little. And looked around, there was no sign of his uncle or his cousin, he sighed, closing his eyes in relief. So what made the sound? He opened his eyes in a flash and looked again, there on the floor!

He slowly opened his door inch, by inch, feeling sure he wasn't going to get in trouble he sneaked onwards towards the door and looked down, it was the post. He bent down, pulling the letter up. He started dumbly down at the writing. It was for him, confused he turned it round, and on the back was a weird waxy thing. He opened it.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

_Headmaster Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, first class, grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, supreme mugwump, international confed. of wizards)_

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place in Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on 1st September. We await your owl by no later than 31st July._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress._

Harry dropped the letter as if it was burning through his skin. No. he was special again. Why did it always happen to him? No he didn't want to be this, this magic thing. He picked up the letter and ripped it. He smiled, ripping it more rapidly now. Then he throws it into the bin, satisfied, he moved into the kitchen.

But it didn't stop there, owls kept coming, each day more and more, Harry dreaded the day when his uncle or cousin came home. By the third day Harry was extremely anxious for it all to stop; he was curled up on the worn couch humming to himself when there was a load smash. Harry tensed in fear closing his eyes praying to what ever god there was that it wasn't his uncle. When he heard a low rumble of a voice say "couldn't make us a cup o' tea could yeh? It's not been an easy journey…"

There in the door way was a giant of a man; his face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of unkept hair and a wild beard, but you could make out black beetle eyes under it all. The giant squeezed his way into the living room, looking around at the dirty room, kept relatively clean by harry.

Harry quickly sat up. Fearful of the man.

"Ah, here's Harry!" he said spotting harry on the couch, moving to squeeze his giant buttocks into the living room chair sat to the right to harry, he carried on talking ignorant to the untrustworthy glances harry shot him. "las' time I saw you, you was only a baby." Said the giant, "yeh look a lot like yer dad but yeh've got yer mum's eyes"

"Who are you? And how do you know about my parents?" harry inquired, schooling his face blank, while seething inside, who dare someone just barge into his house and disrupt his life, he's happy with his music.

"I haven't introduced meself!" the giant looked startled at his own revelation. He smiled down at Harry and said "I am Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts." He leaned forward so he was nearly toppling over harry and held out an enormous hand, harry stared at his hand, at the first mention of Hogwarts he became withdrawn.

Hagrid coughed, moving his hand back towards his lap. he shivered a bit, looked towards the empty gate which harry recently cleaned out, Hagrid bent down over the fireplace, Harry couldn't see what he was doing but when he drew back a second later there was roaring fire. Harrys mind exploded then, he couldn't stay in denial, it was real this magic, but he wasn't ready, he didn't want to know. Harry blinked back the alarm he felt. The big man was talking again.

"Anyway call me Hagrid" he said, "everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I', keeper of keys at Hogwarts – yeh'll know all about Hogwarts o' course"

"Actually no I don't" Harry said, his face still portraying nothing.

Hagrid looked shocked.

"I know yeh weren't getting' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts fer crying' out load! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?"

"Learn what?" harry asked the alarm he felt earlier was slowly turning into a strong pressure he felt digging into his chest, he tried to ignore it.

"Now wait jus' one second!" he had lept to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the room. He made a move to hit the wall but stopped. Breathed deeply he resumed his seat. "do you mean ter tell me that you knows nothin' abou' well about anything!"

Harry felt extremely offended; he went to school he was far ahead then other kids his age and was amazing at music. "Excuse me; I happen to know quite a lot"

"About our world, I mean, your world, my world, yer parent's world." He explained this while waving his hands about.

"what world" harry asked innocently already guessing the answer, but he thought it would be better to act dumb around the giant.

"you must know, abou' your mum and yeh dad they're famous. You're famous"

Curiosity seeped harrys veins making the pressure deepen, to a point were breathing was just manageable. He kept the dumb façade through it though. "What? My- my mum and dad weren't famous were they?"

Yeh don't know, yeh don't know? Yeh don't know what yeh are?" he asked finally. Harry was getting annoyed by this point, how dump can someone get. Of course he didn't understand Harry shook his head to confirm the giant though. "Harry- you're a wizard. Harry squeezed his eyes closed, no no its not true, the pressure in his chest rose and spread through his body, the pressure took a weird form, Harry felt like his body was being pushed into a box, then into a tunnel. He gasped when the pressure was suddenly released and then harry saw black.

* * *

WHAT DO YOU THINK??

please tell me.

what do you think is gonna happen next hmmm? will harry become emo? will voldemort eat a hamster? will hagrid ever find love?

the song is called underground by kimya dawson.


	2. Chapter 2

Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

Hey here we go again then

disclaimer: if i had harry potter would that make me magical??

* * *

Harry was first aware of sounds, load sounds. They were distantly whirring past him; there was a sound like a groan. Wait that was him, wasn't it?

Then what came next was an extremely sharp throb developing in his head and Harry was sure that if he moved then it would explode. He groaned. The third thing he noticed was the hard floor underneath him, he panicked, thoughts flooded into his already thumping head. He tried to open his eyes but to no avail. So he decided that feeling around might help. He flicked his wrist and came in contact with hard gravel. Why was there gravel?

His heads pounding increased and he fell in to unconsciousness again.

The next time he awoke he was aware of laughter and chatter not to far from him. He tried to open his eyes again, and this time he succeeded. He looked around and panicked. The first thing he saw was the moon, and the night sky, which wasn't littered with the usual stars, it had a fog around it and a few brave stars glimmered through, he moved his eyes downwards and he saw black, he blinked and moved to the right he saw the bright glow of a city, he scrunched his eyes and looked again, he appeared to be in a tunnel and there was the entrance; no he was in a alley, ne noticed he was near a bunch of black bin bags scattered here and there, some were huddled close together. He found the source of laughter, in the light he saw people swaying this way and that the tale, tale sign of drunkenness marked on them. There were a few cars whirring past, and the neon glow flowed through the alley giving the bin bags a giddy glow.

The panic settled deep now. Where was he? How did he get here?? He could feel himself shaking badly now. Then the voices got loader, he tried to move, to turn, but his body protested to such strains. Harry cried out when a man appeared in his vision, the glow of the light shadowed his features, the strange man was trying to talk to him but harry was too caught up with his fears to notice. Then it went black.

"The boy sure can sleep, Rodger!" a gentle voice murmured.

"He sure is a cutie!" another voice added in.

"Now girl quieten' down, the poor boys sleepin' alright!" a deep voice growled.

Harry groaned, trying to open his eyes. He could hear a hazy sound of chatter and all sorts of background sound.

"Now girls, you're on, come on. Stop staring at him, I'm sure he'll be here when you get back"

Then the background sounds became a lot loader for a minute, after a shuffling of feet the sound died down again.

Harry feeling safe enough to gamble opening his eyes; came face to face with a greyed haired man, who looked like he would've been extremely handsome early in his life, but he is slowly fading now. The man's eyes were a rich blue, twinkling merrily upon seeing Harry. He smiled down at him.

Harry looked around in wonder, he appeared to be in a changing room, there were bulbs curtaining a huge mirror to the left of him, the room was a warm red and deep black, there was a soft beat thumping from the door to the front of harry.

"Umm I'm sorry sir but where am I?" Harry asked moving to a sitting position, he moved his hands and clasped them on his lap, and he schooled his face calm, while freaking out inside, the last thing he could remember was the giant at his house, and then he could vaguely remember what they were talking about, it was something about a school.

"Oh, well darling that's easy you're at my bar!" the man exclaimed, he paused looking into harrys eyes. "I'm Rodger by the way, and what's your name?"

Harry stilled, could he trust this man? How did he get here? Did he want anything from him?

Rodger saw Harry's weary looks and smiled, "we found you in the alley behind here, you looked dreadful, so me and my ladies brought you back here, cleaned you up. Now could you tell me your name, where's your family dear?" he asked pulling out his mobile phone from a dressing table across from him.

Harry began to freak now, he was grasping on what to say but then suddenly a play formed in his head, faking tears harry said. "Umm my name is Harry, I can't remember what happened, please could you let me stay, just for a while, I'm just so confused, please sir!"

"Oh dear, calm down, calm, shh!" Rodger said moving close now patting Harry's head, Harry flinched, still not use to physical contact. Harry whimpered. Rodger looked on with sad eyes, the boy was obviously abused or neglected, and had ran away from his horrors. A determined frown entered his face. He was going to protect his boy, he thought, at least till he found him a better stable place, since a bar wasn't exactly a healthy environment to raise a kid. "look Harry you can stay here as long as you want" he paused, then sighed, "I live upstairs from the bar, now here at the bar we have ladies who dance for everyone, and they will take good care of you okay dear? They are lovely, you will just love you, they've been waiting for you dearie"

Harry cleaned his face with his sleeve. Chuckling and smiling, relief filtered through his body, warming his veins, and soothing his shoulders.

"There, now don't you feel better?" Rodger asked messing his hair up, harry nodded. "Oh gosh we gonna have to do something about you aren't we?" he stated looking harry up and down. _Oh god, what does he mean? _Harry looked down at himself in a panic he looked the same, why did the man think there was something wrong? Rodger carried on, oblivious to Harry's sudden discomfort. "Of course, get you new glasses, fitted clothes, maybe do something with your hair hmm?"

Harry went into a fit of joy; _someone wants to buy me clothes, for me! _

Then the door opened to reveal 6 gorgeous women, with bold curves, long locks of hair and welcoming smiles. All of the women were dressed up in showgirl clothes, glittery swimming costumes with dazzling red feathers. Head ornaments of tiaras and feathers, they looked fabulous to Harry, and he felt like he was meeting stars, everything felt so unreal, what happened to the Dursleys? His school? Was he dreaming? If he was then he has quite an imagination.

"Oh look he's awake Sarah, look!" A brunette woman said, her headdress was a warm peach colour, her face was sweet and her deeply tanned arm was nudging a girl next to her.

"Oh hey sweetie, how are you doing, I'm Sarah, and this is Chloe." Sarah said pointing towards herself and the brunette woman who was named Chloe then.

"Umm hi" harry said waving. "I'm Harry."

Rodger stood up and explained that Harry was gonna be staying here and that they should all look after him.

"Well Harry if you need anything, you can always come to me or Chloe okay? We just think it's delightful of you staying here with us" exclaimed Sarah.

"Yeah, Sarah is a only child, so she would love to hang out with you Harry" Chloe said teasing the other girl.

"Oh shh you." Giggled Sarah, they both started to move into the crowd of women who were talking and rummaging around pulling clothes up from here and there, the other girls sneaked glances at Harry now and again, some bolder girls smiled at harry offering ''hellos'' and ''you're such a cutie'' every now again.

Rodger moved, gesturing that harry should get up too. "Right ladies, we'll leave you to get changed. Come on harry I'll show you were you'll be staying" Rodger said smiling.

Chloe turned around, "okay, bye sweetie, I'll be back tomorrow okay?"

Harry nodded, turning and followed Rodger, they walked out into the bar, Harry noticed that they appeared to be on some kind of stage, but the curtain was down, so Harry couldn't see the bar, properly but he could still hear all the drunken ramblings and background noise often heard at bars, there was also music playing it was big band music, with loads of trumpets, but something was different, harry struggled for a minute, but then he realised the music was in French, that's what was different.

They made there way across the stage to a door on the other side, Rodger opened it, and gestured harry in, Harry scurried inside in to what looked like a stairwell, the walls were black with various posters all over them, as harry followed Rodger up the stairs Rodger explained the posters.

"the bar downstairs is not like your every day bar, it's a replica of a French bar during the 18oo's, when I was in school I got a degree in history, and wanted to take the beauty of one time and make it happen here. Here in Chicago. And I did, then as the years went by we added diffrerent things, and now its not only a 18oo french bar, we also have dancers, different kinds of music and many other developments which i'm sure you'll find out about later." He smiled stopping at the stairs for a moment. He sighed and moved on "on the walls are all the bands that have played here, in amongst them are old posters from different eras."

When they got to the top harry looked around, he appeared to be in a living room, the walls were a soft cream, and the floor was a deep wood, there was a furry carpet under a red sofa, with a modern looking coffee table. The room was full of things, book cases full of books crammed in every angle. The coffee table was scattered with odd little things and the mirror was full of photos slotted into the sides. A TV was sat in front of the sofa, Harry had never seen one that expensive before. Before harry could react he was being push through a door, with led to a corridor, which had white walls but you could barely make out the white, and pictures framed the walls. A little table was right next to the door; it held a phone on it.

Rodger pointed towards a door on the far left. "that one is my room Harry, please come in there if it's a emergency, but otherwise, could you knock? And I'll come to the door." He pushed Harry towards a door on the right, "now this one is you're room." He stopped Harry from opening the door though. "but first, lets get some food in you." Harry was led down the other way, Rodger pointed out different rooms as he went, the apartment wasn't that big, it consisted of 2 spare rooms (one would be Harrys), a kitchen, Rodgers room, the living room, a bathroom, and a study.

Rodger sat harry down in a chair in the kitchen, while Rodger started to heat up left over's.

Harry smiled as Rodger talked about random things over his shoulder. Yes, Harry thought, he could see this being home.

* * *

so what do you think???? hmmm??

so whats gonna happen? will rodger turn into a death eater? will harry become a monkey? will chloe and sarah somehow tell dumbledore that he looks like a rubber chicken?

well your just gonna have to wait, and while you wait you could review!!


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Harry soon got use to the nightly rumbles coming from below his new home. Home. Harry still couldn't believe his luck, sometimes he was so scared to do things, like make himself a sandwich for lunch when Rodger was working on financial things, since he used to get shouted at if he touched _their _food, but then weeks past, and he started to settle in, grew into his new home. home, harry never really had a place to call home till now, and even though it was a weird place to grew up in, harry couldn't think of some place better to be. The girls gave him undivided attention, all of them quickly growing attached to him. Harry had never had this much attention before, at first he was extremely embarrassed and shy, but then he started to grow into his own person. Gone was the shy scared harry, and in his place one was a quirky harry with confidence and a funny sense of charm which gave him more then a few problems in school with his teachers. he spent more time out side of lessons getting told off then in them but somehow he still managed to get good grades.

after a month in his new home Harry was about to find out something that would change his out look on life for well the rest of his life and that something had something to do with a boy called Russel.

but right now Harry was late, very late for school. he had stayed up talking to sarah the night before who even though it was her night off, decided to come over for a visit, they had stayed up watching movies, and now harry was late. he was hoping down the winding corridor of the apartment, with one foot in his school trousers and one foot nearly there, his studded belt swinging around and every now and then the belt would catch the wall if harry happened to lose his balance, leaving a scrape on the wall, but by then there where many scrapes on the wall from this weekly routine. he also had a piece of overly buttered toast hanging from his mouth with swear words sliding around it, his school shirt was undone, with his yellow and green stripped tie loosely hung around his neck and a bit of greasy butter dripped down his chest, harry groaned through the toast when he finally got his foot through the trouser hole, he quickly did up his belt, hastily did the same to his school shirt, grasped his shoulder bag and raced down the stairs, across the stage and out the fire exit.

'late as usual harry?' a tall dark guy said from his left, he was handsome but in a nerdy way, his own hazel jacket slung over his school uniform, big glasses, dorky hair and a book in his hands, his gaze never moving from it.

'come on the micheal' harry said with a laugh, nudging micheal along. micheal sighed placing his book in his bag.

'wotcha reading anyways?' harry asked as they crossed the road.

're-reading catcher in the rye' micheal replied

'oh cool, that's a good read, don't cha think? oh yeah i was meaning to ask you if i could borrow kestrel for a knave from you?' harry said. in school harry was a guy who messed around alot so it confused everyone when he befriended the schools nerd, but the thing was that harry messed around alot, got himself in trouble but he still had a huge thirst to learn.

Harry and micheal carried on down the long busy streets.

When Rodger had first taken harry out into the busy blurry city, harry had been blown away, he was quickly taken in by the beautiful dazzling lights and the flashing neon colours. And the people! So many people, all in different styles, people who were toweringly tall to children still in pushchairs, some people were nice some though were cruel. Harry had never smelled such a vast amount of smells; ranging from a dank dangerous smell of sewers to the buttery golden smell of fresh baked goods. And then there were the sounds, the sounds that harry quickly adapted to the sounds that came form every direction, never dying down; there was always a dull hum of cars and the sweet nervous sounds of buskers to the array of conversations constantly taking place. To harry there were just so many possibilities, dreams and hopes to explore and find in this bold city.

Even though none of these thoughts left harry, he was now comfortable and at ease with the city, well enough not to bedazzle every time he walks out of the fire exit, he called his front door.

Micheal was chatting on about something he had found on the internet on the way to school, as harry smiled and added his thoughts every now and again. Harry loved micheal's enthusiasm so much, it was why harry had first been dawn to him; even though it scared all his 'popular' friends.

Harry had first spotted micheal a couple of weeks into his first school year, he normally hung out with Aaron and Chris, who happened to be the first year celebrities for stupid things like the pranks they played and the borderline cruel comments, and since harry was known for his first day scandals of smart witty comments at teachers and his sharp bittersweet attitude that reared its head every once in a while, Aaron and Chris quickly gobbled him up. So it surprised them when harry suddenly asked questions about the kid on the other side of the canteen.

What caught harry's eye was the book the kid was reading. it was one that harry had been trying to get hold off for weeks now. So after his friends telling him how the kid was a 'loser' and a 'snotty bookworm' harry rolled his eyes, use to these kind of comments by now and started a slow death march towards one so rightly labelled nerd or so that's what all his friends thought.

Ever since then harry and micheal could be seen together all the time out side of classes, and although they had a very close friendship harry still hung out with Aaron and Chris who ignored harrys nerdy friend in favour of harrys stunning wit in classes.

They had got the school by now and harry had changed the conversation towards lord of the rings, since harry had finished re-reading it again, him and micheal soon decided that they would have a lord of the rings movie marathon that weekend. After this decision, micheal said good bye and made his way towards the library.

Harry on the other hand, started walking across campus towards his first lesson with Mr. Atlas, which was English, Harry's second favourite lesson, after music of course.

when he got there he took his normal seat, at the back, he sighed.

even though he was known as a 'naughty' kid, he always happened to be the one on time, the one to finish all of the essays and read up on anything as a extra activty, all in a despirate need to not fail Because even if he appeared confident and appeared to have a quikry attitude, he never could shake off the need to improve, the need to not fail. to show someone anyone who wanted to look that he was here and he was trying.

he never could dissapoint, because if he did, well what would happen? he was so use to trying and always dissapointing, he dissapointed his family, dissapointed the wizards.

but he never wanted to, he wanted to show his ambitions to anyone who cared enough to see through his facade of a confident quirky boy.

he wanted to show that one day, maybe not soon but one day he would be able to stand up tall in all his weird, quikry ways and be able to take on what ever they throw at him.

though harry had no idea how much they would.

as harry was pondering his ambitions, his teacher walked in. Harry sighed again and turned to face the front, and then _he_ walked in.

_him_ with his dusty blonde hair gelled in a cute dissary and one piece of hair Pathetically trying to cover one of _his_ smokey blue eyes, _his_ skin had a tint of a tan, as if the sun just lightly brushed at _him_. he wore a light blue shirt that peaked outside of his black jumper and had tight jeans on. Harry had lost all thought tracks as this- this strikingly exqusite person came and took the spare seat next to him.

harry was brought out of his daze and plastered a tiny smile on his face, turned towards _him_ and said 'hey, having fun being the newest student?'

the guy snorted back at harry, sent a shy smile and replied, 'yeah about as much fun as scraping my eyes out with a spoon' harrry laughed quielty to that.

'i hear you. well you know the call, if you want help blah blah...just know you can come to me' harry said, giving a knowing smile to him, he smiled back which made harry's heart ache.

'and who are you by the way?' he asked

'Harry.'Harry said to _him_. and just as _he_ opened his mouth to respond Mr. Atlas finshed talking and gave harry a suspisous look. Then sighed and said 'right well get on with the work!'

harry smiled fondly at him and turned back to _him_.

_he_ smiled back at harry, and harry heart started again. 'well Harry, my names Russel.'

and this was the start of harrys first love.

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what do you think?? please tell me

sorry its reaallly late, but this is my first break from a crazy amount of work so please dont kill me.

and to all the 4 people who have reviewed that you soooo much, it means alot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The keys left a sound ring around the room, and harry smiled. He had just finished playing his newest piece, a small ballad for his first love.

Russell and he had a good relationship going. He remembered how he spent the day trying to figure out all these new wonderful confusing feelings coursing through him and messing with his stomach.

After the first few days of this, harry finally gave in and tried talking to Chloe about all these feelings, she had laughed in his face, leaving harry digging up old feelings of nervousness. Chloe caught on quick and explained how harry might be having romantic feelings towards this boy.

Harry quickly started to deny it, knowing how his old family would have found this strange and disgusting, but after a lot of reassurance, he started to feel better, and then Chloe told him that Rodger had a life partner till his life partner died. Harry felt extremely better knowing that Rodger and his new home wouldn't hate him or push him away, Chloe then wanted all the gossip, they spent many nights staying up talking about Harry's love life after that, after Harry was comfortable with who he was, he ventured into talking to Rodger about this, he remembered the conversation all to well. It was uncomfortable but brought Rodger and Harry closer together.

Harry was lucky with Russell since he caught onto Harry's attraction to him quickly and asked him out. They were together for a short sweet while and even though harry felt he couldn't tell Russell something's they where happy together and harry had a happy first love.

He could still remember how Russell's hair would shimmer in the morning light, and how his laugh sent shivers down his spine. They did all the things that first loves did, went to the movies where nervous sweaty hands clammed together. They went to dinner in a grotty restaurant and shared awkward conversation, bought presents for each other, and enjoyed there time together.

It was amazing while it lasted, that was till Russell's dad moved the family away. It hurt more then anything he had felt, as all first loves do, he felt completely different, different then the shy scared cunning boy he once was to the quirky smart Alec, Russell's quick departure made harry feel like he needed to push himself. Prove himself to people.

After the ringing of the note faded out. Harry smiled at his ballad. He was over Russell now but in the place was a thirst for knowledge, to prove himself to the world. Harry sighed moving away from the piano; ever since Russell left he spent more and more of his school time in the music rooms. Writing songs.

He knew he would have to tell Rodger about the music and the magic. It was time, now that he was 13 something kept nagging at him that he needs to start doing things now.

He gripped his jacket and his bag and started his walk home from school. A foul wind was whirling around him as he snuggled into his jacket more. A plan forming in his head, of what he wanted to do and how he was going to get there. He wanted to get his music out into the world. Wanted to gain more knowledge about his magic, because he knew it was apart of him and he couldn't keep ignoring this forever.

Harry took a look around when he got to the fire exit, he never could imagine his life any other way anymore, this was his life and he loved it, sometimes he would wonder about the magical school he refused but he never regretted his choice. He would make his face known to the wizards when he felt ready to. But right now he wanted to do what he wanted to, since it was his life.

He walked into the fire exit, across the stage and on towards the changing rooms and up the tiny stairs lugging his bag along with him, he opened the door, slinging his bag to the side, which he was sure Rodger would make him move in a minute, but harry didn't care besides he had a lot to tell Rodger in a minute, its not every day that your teenage adopted son tells you that he was a gay musically talented wizard.

Harry rubbed his head and carried on into his room, grimacing at the slash marks on the wall that he made every morning. he got to his room and glanced around looking for the t-shirt he was going to wear that day. his room was a neutral blue colour and not too big, he had a double bed in the middle nearly taking up all the space, and a wardrobe to the side which was wide open from this morning showing off all his clothes in a range of disarray for all to see, good thing no one came over with him. there was also a desk tucked into a corner with his laptop on and a large amount of paper, sweets, bottles all over and the desk had various carvings in it from when he got bored. all over the walls and the wardrobe was posters, all with different things on, some with punk bands, old school bands, geeky things, Mozart. his guitar was standing against his desk and on the shelves across his desk and bed was a vast amount of books, they appeared to have no order or structure to them, they were just wedged in.

harry climbed over his bed to get to his wardrobe and picked out the t-shirt he wanted to wear and after a little digging got out some tight jeans. after putting them on and vainly trying to sort out his hair, he made a move towards the stage again. at this time of day the girls would be coming in to practice and Rodger would be sat in one of the seats watching and adding comments every now and again.

Harry winced slightly knowing this was going to be a hard conversation. once he got close enough, he took the seat next to Rodger. he looked over to Rodger, who's brow was twisted in concentration and his hair was in its regular messy state, he was wearing a green sweater and dark jeans. he had his hands grasped around a bottle of water and every now and again he would twist the lid, stop and then twist it back, a nervous habit.

harry coughed, Rodger smiled and turned to harry the twist in his brow easing as he turned. "hey there harry, is there anything you wanted?"

"umm yeah actually Rodger, could be talk some where else? the office perhaps?" Rodger shifted moving the water bottle on to the table.

"sure..umm yeah sure thing harry" he gestured to the stage to say that he was leaving and started to walk towards his office which was right near the changing rooms.

when they had gotten to Rodgers cluttered office, Rodger gestured harry in, and as Rodger was just about to get the door handle to close it, the door handle moved from his grasp and moved into its place with a swift click. Rodger swirled mild shock and a prick of sadness shone on his face.

harry couldn't look up, he kept his eyes on his lap as Rodger moved into his own seat. "i know its hard to explain how that happened but the only explanation i have for you is-"

"You're a wizard" Rodger butted in with his eyes shadowed with memories.

Harry stared at Rodger with shock traced in it. "How did you know?" Harry's heart was pounding in his ears, it was like a drum, repeatedly being played, he was scared that he wouldn't be able to hear Rodgers reply and even more scared of the reply. But harry couldn't help but noticed that Rodger suddenly looked aged; his face was covered in faint creases and his eyes deep with thoughts. "My partner was one too; I never thought i would, well that I would meet another." Rodger said with a heavy heart, he didn't want to know this information, it hurt him to much to remember, to have another person who could be taken from him

"I'm sorry, how did, well how did..?" harry shyly asked

"they took him, men in black robes, in the middle of the night, i don't know why but I've never seen him again" Rodger stood up turned and faced a wall he moved his hand up towards a picture, hesitated, but eventually took a photo off the wall, his face softened the lines faded as he stared at the picture. he moved the photo, offering it to harry, harry got up and moved towards Rodger, and took the offering.

"He was an amazing man, gifted and so full of life; his stupid insufferable smile was always there." Rodger held a sad smile as he talked, barely realising that he was speaking out load.

"What was his name?" Harry asked

"Sam" Rodger said.

Rodger in the picture was laughing, one hand covering his mouth, trying to hide his joy, Rodgers hair was fuller and wilder, his eyes set firmly on Sam within his grasp. Sam had short black hair and was mid talk, staring at Rodger intently his hands were poised much like someone who would be doing a speech. The picture was very natural and loving, they obviously weren't expressing any love and surely if you glanced at it you wouldn't notice how in love they were, but when you look closer at there eyes, you would know.

"He's very handsome, you, well you look happy" harry said placing the picture on top off some papers.

"I was" Rodger coughed and straighten his back, "so why did you want to tell me this"

Harry sighed, "Well there is alot more i want to tell you then just this..."

Rodger nodded as harry started his story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rodger hadn't said a word as Harry Potter told him everything, to the truths of his abusive home, to the offering, and his amazing transport here. He told him about his music, and his plans, how he wanted to show the world his music that he was ready to do what he wants instead of hiding, that he was tired of living in fear of wizards finding him and having to hide.

When harry had finished, Rodger took some time to think and finally responded. "Well I suppose we should get you an agent then!"

Harry laughed with relief. "Thanks Rodger, really"

Rodger smiled at Harry, Harry was so happy to have someone like Rodger in his life, Rodger was turning into what harry imagined his father to have been like, He couldnt understand how anyone could say they hated there parents, when there were moments like these.

"well we have a lot to sort out and some new guidelines to set down, first of all, I will try and get in contact with a few of Sam's old friends and see if they will help train you, you have to promise me you will stay in school and still work hard, you will only do gig's that I find suitable and are not to far away. You will tell me when you concerned about things in the future okay?"

Harry nodded, his eyes gleaming with possibilities and hope. Rodger Laughed got up from his desk and moved towards harry, harry moved to get up anticipating a hug, Rodger pulled him close. "I love you harry you know that right? You are an amazing and well…unique kid" harry laughed breathing in the smell of Rodger and sinking his teeth into this moment, he would always cherish moments like these since before they were so few.

Rodger returned to his desk, heaved a sighed and looked back at harry, who had just settled back into his seat with a far away look in his eyes. "Now, let's see about that agent yes?"

They spent the afternoon working out Harry's new schedule for the week, there were going to go to a friend of Rodger's who was an agent for a meeting at the weekend and tomorrow they would see a old friend of Sam's for magical meeting, when Rodger had called, Harry's name caused a lot of commotion, Rodger said that they guy seemed to leap at his name and demand to see Harry tomorrow, to see if he was real. Harry didn't understand what that meant at all, it wasn't as if he was famous, was he?

The Next morning Harry awoke to the sound of Rodger bounding on his door. "Come on harry get up already! We need to get moving!"

Harry groaned, and shuffled from his bed, scratching his stomach as he stumbled to his clothes.

He entered the kitchen a few minutes later dressed in a t-shirt saying 'reel big fish is Latin for sexy' with a cheesy looking man on it who was wearing raybans, and faded jeans with a few tears in it, he made a beeline to the coffee machine and settled into a seat with a steaming cup as Rodger moved around the room nattering on about having a healthy breakfast to start the day as harry grunted every now and again to him.

After they had finished there morning routines they made there way to Sam's friend, his name was Dorian and he was in hiding from wizarding kind since he got out of Dumstang a few decades ago, he loved magic but he felt that the world was not for him, he was quiet and stayed inside a lot reading up on spells and such, and rarely contacted the wizarding world. He knew of Sam since he entered America, he was in search of curtain ingredients for a potion when he found out that Sam was growing all sorts of rare plants from Shop that he sells them to on occasion, after that Sam became a dear friend, so to hear from Rodger, whom he had met on the few occasions he ventured out of his house, was exciting and it became more exciting to hear that he had The Harry Potter with him as well. Just because he didn't leave that much didn't mean he didn't know about the world news! Of course it would be exciting to be able to but his knowledge to use since he couldn't do anything with it.

In preparation for Harry Potter's arrival he had cleaned the house and tried to dress smartly, wearing a huge shirt that had purple dots on and splats of lime with shorts that were a dark blue colour. he was currently pacing in the living room waiting for there arrival, when the door bell rang, he gasped and sprang into action, moving towards the door, he opened it a slightly, cautious as always, as soon as he saw Rodger, he sprang the door open wide and encouraged them in.

"come in, come in, oops sorry about that!" harry had tripped over a box of books sat near the stairs, "soo sorry, hear let me help you" he pulled the young lad up and gasped "there is it, oh dear, it really is you…its…well you're Harry Potter" the last part was said in a near whisper, almost as if he was afraid of saying it too load.

Harry stood nervously at the interest of the other person, he shifted his eyes, he could see Rodger staring back over his shoulder in bewilderment, harry shrugged as if to say 'I have no idea why this mans my personal stalker'

Harry thought It was best to snap the man out of his 'harry obsessed gaze. "So um dude, what's up? Stalked anyone recently?" asked backing up.

Rodger come closer and grasped Dorian by the shoulders.

"is there a problem? what's got you so dazed?"

Dorian snapped out of his gaze and a new shocked expression appeared on his face," don't you know? Don't you realise who you are? What your destined to be?"

Harry shrugged and Rodger moved closer to harry. Harry was starting to get worried, what if he was like a prince or something of the wizarding world and he was suppose to do something important? he was so scared because he knew he would just disappoint, but some part of him was excited about the aspect of becoming something better.

Dorian rushed to his bookshelf, muttering to himself, while moving around scrolls and books that, to harry looked extremely old, harry watched with interest.

Dorian returned with a book that had red leather on the front and a title that read "a history of the most famous beings in wizarding history" Dorian starting to flick through the pages, harry for the a moment thought he saw a picture of a very obnoxious looking man wink at him! Surely he must not have gotten as much sleep as he should of last night.

Harry gasped, pointing to the page that Dorian had gotten to, it was a page titled, well with his name.

Rodger snatched Harry's hand and pointed "do you see that I am seeing?"

Harry nodded slowly. Dorian completely unaware of there shock started reading the passage under the title. "Harry Potter, the only known survivor of the mighty killing curse, the vanquisher of the most Darkest and Deadliest wizard of this time, the Boy who lived; these are all titles for Harry Potter and for a good reason, Harry Potter is one of the most famous wizards of our time, ranking high up with Dumbledore and Lilith the great. Harry Potter has gotten his title from an event that happened over 12 years ago, during He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named time on our soil. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named entered the Potters house, were Lilly and James Potter, Harry's parents were under the fidiilus curse (a curse well known for hiding houses and other such objects, see 'A brief History of all things to do with hiding volume 2') He-who-must-Not-Be-Named then killed James Potter, who was defending his family downstairs. He then moved upstairs where lily Potter was cruel fully ripped from us, but when He-who-must-Not-Be-Named tried to throw the killing curse at Harry Potter, something amazing happened, it hit He-who-must-Not-Be-Named instead, the whole wizarding world are in great debt of Harry Potter, even though some wizard still believe He-who-must-Not-Be-Named to be out there still."

That was when Harry's life changed.


	6. Chapter 6

**disclaimer: i dont own harry potter or the bon jovi song invovled in my writing. just so you are aware i have changed the names in the lyrics used in this chapter **

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**chapter 6**

_A few weeks later_

Harry was sitting on a Stroll, shifting slightly as he looked around the room for the millionth time this evening; he had just gotten on stage to perform his first gig, and had been nervously eyeing the room since he had entered it. He saw in one corner a few old woman having drinks and gossiping one left to 'pop off to the loo' leaving snide comments and bitter remarks in her wake, over at the bar was a porky looking business man with sleazy hair and wearing a constricting suit that didn't do its job properly, there were young friends shouting and laughing themselves horse over there friends sudden and unexpected impact into a waiter, while a costumer in the corner looks on disapprovingly.

Harry sighed, 'well here it goes' he thought while moving the microphone closer to his mouth, "Uh, hi...my names Harry and i wanna start with a new song"

The few people closest to the stage looked on with mild interest while other continued there devious movements.

"Okay, well yeah..." he said.

He brought his guitar over his head and started to strum.

"This ain't a song for the broken-hearted  
No silent prayer for the faith-departed  
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd  
you're gonna hear my voice  
When I shout it out loud

It's my life  
It's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Russell said  
I did it my way  
I just wanna live while I'm alive  
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground  
For Rodger and Sam who never backed down  
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake  
Luck ain't even lucky  
Got to make your own breaks

It's my life  
And it's now or never  
I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Russell said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out  
don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life  
And it's now or never  
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever  
I just want to live while I'm alive  
(It's my life)  
My heart is like an open highway  
Like Russell said  
I did it my way  
I just want to live while I'm alive"

after that, the young friends had got there mate up and had joined in watching Harry intently, the disapproving customer had gotten a free desert, and was happily nodding his head to the music, the sleazy business man was staring intently upon the ladies in the corner, and the ladies in the corner were clapping lovingly at well...him.  
Harry smiled. "Um thanks, this song called...."

* * *

Harrys head was pounding as he woke up to Rodgers constant yelling, as the weeks progressed after his talk with Rodger, Rodger had become a constant there. he reminded Harry of what was next on his schedule, made sure he did all his work, magical, music or school, and continued to support him. Harry was lucky to have him around although sometimes he wanted to kick his ass.

And this was one of those times.

"HARRY! Come on! you are late again, we were supposed to be meeting Bruce for a meeting" Rodger had already entered Harrys room, and was opening his curtains, Harry groaned under the glaring sunlight, and snuggled closer into his duvet. "Come on!" Rodger persisted, shaking Harry's leg, he sighed and started to take a top out of harrys wardrobe.

Harry moved slightly to monitor Rodgers actions, "what are you doing? Rodger!! I'm not wearing that" Rodger had pulled out a T-shirt that was bright orange and had grey on the sleeves, it was a present from Chloe, who he found out had no fashion sense what so ever.

Rodger replied, "Well if you can't be asked to get up when i tell you..."

Harry sighed and moved to sit up, "fine, fine I'm up, go make a waffle or something" Rodger snickered and walked out of his room, closing the door as he went. Harry muttered under his breathe "stupid silly man, orange seriously?"

Harry got a reply from behind the door, "just because I'm not in the room, doesn't mean I can't hear you"

After harry had gotten ready and had a strong coffee, they went to meet Bruce; Harrys Agent. Bruce was a suit through it all, he constantly had a phone attached to his ear unless something really important happened, and he was always 'really busy', always having to be getting somewhere.

Harry remembered the last time that they had gone to Bruce's office; it was in a tall building with flashing windows of sunlight that glared down at Harry. Harry turned to look at the entrance, which was a glass door framed with gold, and had a constant flow of people entering and leaving, with there brief cases and phone calls, each time anyone entered or left the gold glimmered in the sunlight dazzling anyone who cared to notice. Harry shaked his thoughts and entered the building once again.

When Harry and Rodger got into his building they were asked to wait for Bruce, and harry wondered why a man who always had to be somewhere he never seemed to be anywhere.

Bruce entered the room, with a phone in his hands a cup of coffee in the other. 'look-yes, yes I know, okay-" he forced out a chuckle "okay-well my next client is here-right bye"

Bruce sighed, looked up and smiled at Harry and Rodger. "Hello again Harry. Rodger." Harry knew that Bruce didn't like the restrictions that Rodger had put in place, but well nor did harry. "We got a very positive response to your gig harry, really it was good!"

"Thanks" harry said, ruffling his hair at the back of his head. After doing a few songs, more and more people started to turn up, making it a huge hit. Harry couldn't think of somewhere where he was so extremely euphoric in that moment, where the adrenaline was pumping, and his voice was vibrating and audience was clapping. he had found his place.

Bruce interrupted harrys thoughts "right well let's get down to business shall we?" he gestured towards his office while snagging a look at his watch.

they left the room 2 hours later, with a 4 new gigs lined up that Rodger approved, and had Bruce's blessing on what music was to be played. Rodger and Harry started to barge there way through the busy streets towards there car, load sounds at every step, but harry was use to this by now. when the got to Rodgers car and sat down, Harry sighed leaning his head on the back of the seat and started to hum a tune while Rodger entered the hazardous concrete roads.

On there way back Rodger reminded harry about there schedule for the up and coming week. "right okay, so Monday after school is music practice, Tuesday, magic with Dorian, Wednesday you do your homework, Thursday is magic, Friday is the gig at Karma and Saturday is gig at Silver, Harry, got that?" Rodger tore his eyes away from the road to glance at harry who had gone back to sleep, Rodger smiled. Before Harry came into his life, he was just carrying out the days, trying not to think too much and not to feel too much, but now he had Harry, someone to take care of and to help. Having harry around saved him, gave him a purpose, and he wont let _them_ come and break him down, or tear him up. _no one_ will hurt harry and he was going to see to it, he loved harry like the son, Sam and he should of had adopted if they had the chance, and he will provide harry with what he wants, and if that's magic so be it and it is music, so be it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Harry could still hear the boisterous crowd ear-splitting screams and yells as he went out the back door. Harry knew that tonight was one of his best nights. He was still overwhelmed at the adoration from the crowd and was still bewildered by they're love for his music. He had just turned 14 a month ago and Rodger had made this amazing cake shaped as a music note, they had got all his mates round to the bar and all the girls had the night off to hang around with them.

He could still smell the smooth chocolate and wispy smoke form the candles. A smile adorned his face as he recalled the various hugs and cheers from loved ones.

The girls had gathered together to gain him a guitar, it was a les Paul, beautifully crafted and not a touch on it. This striking guitar was the one he had with him tonight.

Rodger was waiting for him just round the corner; Harry could see his sandy tuff of hair sticking out of the side. Harry thought this would be a perfect time to sneak up on his adopted dad. Harry lightened his foot steps and pulled himself closer into the shadows. Then jumped…right on to Rodger.

Rodger, as shocked as he was, managed to wiggle himself free from harry. 'Harry!, dear lord you shocked the bejesus out of me.'

Harry, who was still squealing with laughter, clapped Rodger on the back, "oh man you should have seen your face!'

Rodger lightly tapped harry around the head, which started a mock fight between the two.

Harry laughed as he stood panting heavily, while Rodger leaned heavily onto harry. 'Come on harry, let's go...maybe we can stop to get a burger or something? Eh?"

Harry grinned, Rodger held harry together like glue, and he loved his life here, all the concerts, meals, the girls, the city. All of it. But Rodger held it tall together. Without him, the city light would be too glaringly bright, and the meals too scolding hot. Harry wouldn't know who he was; in every way harry thought of Rodger as a father.

He knew that no matter what he choose with his life, wizard or not, Rodger would be there to support him.

Rodger turned to look at harry, "well you coming along or not?"

Harry slung his arms around Rodger, "of course…dad"

Rodgers startled eyes met Harry. The warmest eyes glowed at harry. And arms squeezed harry closer. Rodger loved Harry, the only thing missing was Samuel, his beloved Samuel, knowing him he would make a snarky comment about the lovey dovely atmosphere that would make Harry laugh.

Rodger could barely make a move without thinking about what his lost love would think or say. If only he could see Harry, then his family could be complete.

With that last sad thought Rodger steered harry into the car.

When harry next woke. It was to silence, woolly eyes glanced around his room, and he knew for certain something was wrong; it was as if he had been walking down stairs and thought there was another step. His stomach lurched and his eyes felt uncertain of themselves. The darkness looked threatening and a sudden need to breathe came over harry.

He moved out of his bed cautiously, pulling his magic around him like a cloak, searching the darkness of his room for any cause of the negative tingling within his body, he felt for the light switch, when a stark white light filled all the corners of his room, harry felt sure that the emitting danger was not here.

He froze. 'Rodger, check Rodger' his mind screamed.

Harry felt as if his steps where to slow, that each movement was awkward and wayward, later he would reflect that 'if only he had been quicker', 'if only he took bigger strides. , if only he didn't enter Rodgers room.

When he got there the bed was rudely tussled, the crinkles of the fine cream cover wrinkled the bed. Harry's heart stopped, his limbs lost all feeling as harry started to hyperventilate, '_no, no, no, no!_' his brain begged in denial.

It couldn't be, he thought he might just be in another room, just please be in another room. From there he checked each room in earnest, panic steamed through his body like a sudden ray of sun on ones skin. He got back to the bed and slowly sank into it; he submerged himself within the covers rocking the pillow like a delicate Childs body. It smelled like him. He bit down hard on the delicate softness, hard unkind teeth sunk into the feather pillow.

A naked wail rang around the room.

When he next awoken it was to a phone call. He opened his eyes to a different ceiling where different lights coloured the ceiling with sunlight. For the cruellest of seconds he thought he was fine, until his memory ripped him apart. He tried gulping air against the on sort of pain, he realised it didn't help, no matter how much he tried the hysteria was climbing into his brain like ants.

He picked up the phone the second time it rang. His brain barely registering anything around him.

"Hey? Anyone home?"

"Ye…yeah." He tried to keep a firm grip on the phone, but his hands kept shaking. The simple rattle, rattle of the flimsy cord kept his mind occupied.

"Oh harry! It's Chloe, Rodger there? He was supposed to let us in, I don't suppose you could nip down and open up could ya?"

Harry only became aware that his body was rattling and shaking, when the smallest of sobs left his lips. It was enough for Chloe to realise something was wrong. Harsh breaths seeped through the phone.

"Harry..."

"Chloe…some…something happened. i…" the burning sensation within his throat betrayed him, the phone slipped to the floor as harry lost control.

Weeks had past since Rodger had left, for the majority of that time harry spent it curled up on Rodgers bed staring at the picture of Rodger and Sam together. So happy, so alive. Now harry was left with questions. His eyes gleamed at the picture, with the possibility that if he looked enough maybe he might find an answer. If he looked enough maybe he will feel better, if he looked enough.

Some times during those days, harry would wake up with a searing anger that crawled all over him, irrational thoughts would invade his brain until he broke. Breaking his beautiful new guitar into the wall. Collision marks smeared his guitar now, cruel marks burned there.

The girls all took turns looking after harry, they had closed the bar temporarily. They had told the police of Rodgers disappearance, the police didn't find anything, not a finger mark, or piece of DNA. Harry knew it didn't matter anyway, he wasn't coming back. He stayed clear of the police during there investigation, harry couldn't bear to see there strange hands prodding and jabbing at Rodgers clothes, pictures and things. They would elbow there way in manhandling all within sight. Bumping and pushing all over. Harry wouldn't have it.

When Chloe managed to get harry up and about finally, it was like a light switching on, harry became 100% active, when doing school work, magic lessons and writing songs wasn't enough, he asked for extra work. More and more and more. Harry found a realisation, if he kept doing things, writing, duelling, and singing. Then he could forget that it happened, that Rodger was just around the corner, just running late because of traffic. But everyday harry would return to the apartment, tired and disheartened then was when it would all swallow him whole again.

He hadn't entered Rodger's room since the first night.

Harry's teachers thought that harry was turning his attitude around, 'a drastic change in behaviour' they thought, but at least he didn't mess around anymore. They didn't notice that he didn't show up at lunch that much anymore, he would skip off to practice magic instead. They also didn't see that he started to shut out his friends.

Dorian appointed himself Harry's guardian in the eyes of the wizarding and muggle world but it barely affected how harry lived. He still stayed within the apartment above the bar and only saw Dorian for his lessons. Dorian showed an all knowing look into what harry was dealing with. When harry wanted more lessons, Dorian would just open the door without conversation.

Brian called harry telling him that when he wanted, he could return to the concerts, harry couldn't see a reason to wait. His theory of stay busy so he couldn't think about it was going well for him.

Until his first concert.

harry went through the front doors of the bar to check out who would be there, he sat at the bar looking around, it was crowded with girls drinking wine, dancing fluidly and laughing as the guys look on with beer in hand and rowdy sounds escaped there lips. There t-shirts where already stained with alcohol. The atmosphere of the bar was of any other he had entered, bottles lined the walls, the floor of sturdy wood, a small stage settled in a corner, with a vivid light dangling above.

Harry sighed, placing a shaky hand onto the bar to steady himself, his hand bumped into a cool glass he looked at it, then at the bar man.

"You look like you need one"

Harry smiled, thinking it couldn't hurt. That was one of the last memories he had of that night. Flashes of blurry thoughts or startling images show up occasionally from that night. Of chatting with guys he never knew, stumbling onto a stage with a guitar he could barely grip. Blurry corridors and glaring lights. one of his memories of the night was of the song he sang, he could barely remember his quivering voice craddle each note.

did it all get real, i guess it's real enough  
they got refrigerators full of blood  
another century spent pointing guns  
at anything that moves  
sometimes i worry that i've lost the plot  
my twitching muscles tease my flippant thoughts  
i never really dreamed of heaven much  
until we put him in the ground  
but it's all i'm doing now  
listening for patterns in the sound  
of an endless static sea  
but once the satellite's deceased  
it blows like garbage through the streets  
of the night sky to infinity  
but don't you weep (don't you weep for them)  
there is nothing as lucky  
don't you weep  
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

even within there drunk haze the audiance could hear the glaring truth ring free from harry's voice, Harry's anger broke through his voice in the next verse.

don't be a criminal in this police state  
you better shop and eat and procreate  
you got vacation days then you might escape  
to a condo on the coast  
i set my watch to the atomic clock  
i hear the crowd count down 'til the bomb gets dropped  
i always figured that there'd be time enough  
i never let it get me down  
but i can't help it now  
looking for faces in the clouds  
i got some friends i barely see  
but we're all planning to meet  
we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves  
all together for eternity  
but don't you weep  
there is no one as lucky  
honey, don't you weep  
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free

He found out in the morning that he managed to impress a label that was there last night.

Harry had heard this all on the phone, he could barely care about a label, but Brian seemed happy enough. So he agreed. Brian then carried on prattling away about when they would meet, and what harry should and shouldn't say. Harry blocked it out, instead was starting to doodle the beginnings of a song onto the back of a leaflet.

Harry had started a routine of getting drunk, the 100% active was starting to wear away, he got his hands onto Rodgers drinks. He had never been interested before, but now he was fully aware of alcohol's burning hold and comforting embrace. It was going fine for Harry that is until; in a drunken haze he visited Dorian.

At first Dorian couldn't detect the reason for Harry's sudden personality change. Then in a flash Dorian's face went from confusion to anger.

"What you think this is clever? Getting drunk? What would Rodger think?" Dorian's arms where wildly swishing through the air, harry watched them transfixed, as Dorian's words sank in. Harry's anger grew. Rodger? Well he isn't here anymore, to tell him what to do, so why can't he drink?

Harry slobbered a bitter laugh. "Well he's not here any more. Is he? So why should this matter? Why should I care?" Harry stumbled into books that were scattered around the floor; he fell on the floor before Dorian could get to him. Dorian bent down, face to face with Harry, his face softened. Harry was still so young, he didn't know what he had to face. Dorian pulled harry into his arms.

"Because he loved you, he wouldn't want you like this. He wanted the best for you harry" Dorian said smoothing Harry's hair down.

Harry's face crumbled he moved to look at Dorian, innocent eyes with lost hope looked up as harry said "then why isn't he here anymore?" Dorian rapped his arms tighter around harry, rocking the lost boy, as harry mumbled the same words over and over again until he was lost in sleep

* * *

DUN DUN DUHHH!

i am evil. the song is bright eyes -easy/lucky/free.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Harry felt his life had fallen apart, and this time he couldn't run away. Dorian suggested that harry takes a break from music. Harry stayed at Dorian's after the night he showed up drunk. He had awoken curled up in a blanket in front of a blazing fire. He had snuggled closer into the blankets feeling marginally better then he had before.

He was peacefully staring at the fire until Dorian came into the room; he was humming a small tune, and was wearing his usual eccentric clothes, containing a bright yellow floppy cardigan with small parrots on them, and tight dark blue jeans that became hidden under a pair of quirky red doc martins.

As the pair of red boots got closer and closer to his face he could make out rainbows on the laces, just as he noticed them Dorian bent down and curled his spine to become face to face with harry.

A very bright chirp escaped his mouth 'morning!' it felt to harry like an ice pick being thrown at his head.

"Eurgh" he said covering his face with the blanket, trying in vain to escape from the annoying wizard.

"Now come on harry, I made you breakfast" Dorian chirped again, trying to pry loose the blanket. It was only loosened with Dorian mentioned a certain hangover potion that he had in the huge pockets of his cardigan. Dorian released a hearty laugh, when harry made a pathetic lunge for his pocket.

"Come on harry, sit up" Dorian helped harry up, waiting til he was vertical, then gave him the potion.

Harry downed the potion, tasting a queer mixture of a chemical burn and an herbal tang. He shuddered, feeling the hangovers tight hold leave his body.

Dorian giggled "there now, much better"

"There was mention of food?" harry slyly asked with a devious smile.

Dorian wordlessly summoned the food towards them. Harry looked down at his lap, there, on a vivid blue plate, was bacon, eggs, and sausage with toast all arranged to smile up at him, although one egg eye was drooping sloppily.

Harry released a hesitant laugh that rattle through his jaw awkwardly, Dorian's face snapped to look at harry. Dorian was astounded to have caused the first laugh since Rodger's disappearance.

They eat in relative silence, sat in front of a shining fire, the books in Dorian's living room seemed to be the walls, there spines all hugged close to each other in each direction, balanced by the weary ones at the bottom. The carpet was of a worn red with faded golden veined through it. He tugged at a loose piece of it; he was surprised that it didn't unravel.

After they abandoned there breakfast, Dorian began there lessons again. First was potions, which harry had began to enjoy, to him the pickled entrails of lizards and the vomit smelling roses where spices, adding intensity to the potions. The pickled eyes of a banshee where like eggs, a needed ingredient in most potions. All harry had to do was compare potions to what he knew, and the various different types of stirring and colours made sure that harry was never bored. Dorian showed him that even with the exact same ingredients of one potion could make another with just a change in timing, stirring and cauldron.

Dorian had to pry harry from the potions to get him into a more active side to there lessons; duelling. Harry found that duelling was a familiar sensation, nearing what he felt on stage but with an added intensity, as when he is on stage it is relaxed but fast and flowing. But with duelling it was if he was always switched on 'go'. There was no relaxation involved, but the rush he felt was enough to keep him going.

Half way through duelling Dorian, Harry thought to suggest to Dorian combining various muggle forms of fighting with duelling. At this suggestion, Dorian was interested, this led to harry having to show Dorian various movies such as fight club, rocky etc. they watched movies till Harry's eyes became droopy and his head was too heavy to hold up. Dorian stopped the movie and slowly moved to get the blanket of the back of the sofa, and slowly draped it over Harry's sleeping form.

Dorian was well aware of the hardships the poor boy would have to endure within the not to distant future. With that thought in hand he decided that he would make sure Harry was fully prepared to hold his own, against them all, Dorian knew very well that it wasn't just the darkness that Harry had to be afraid of. But for now he would try and let Harry have his music.

Dorian had walked down stairs in the morning to witness a moment; he had never seen before, a wire thin boy sat cross legged on his sofa. A pen in hand a guitar in another and a sad song coming from his lips that danced along with guitar cords. Dorian paid deep attention to the lyrics that he walked into.

If I could turn back all of these years,  
Would all of our moments be buried by fear, buried by fear.  
Could I invent a muscle, to pump life around my bones, to beat instead of this heart shape beast I loath.  
For surely being heartless, would avoid all of those things, the poets claim to be the route of all.  
If I could turn back all of our days,  
Would you still know my face,  
Would you still know my face.

And if I could turn back all of these years,  
Would all of our moments be buried by fear,  
buried by fear.  
Fear to laugh,  
And fear to cry,  
And fear of knowing what it means to die.

And fear of hoping,  
And fear of choking,  
And fear of loving.  
Fear of trying,  
To be someone that you're not,

An being caught out, and being left at a loss.

And fear of knowing, that these feeling deep inside,

Are always better bottled,

than hurt so much to hide.

'Cause all you want to do,

Is shout out that you're scared,  
And take comfort in the fact,  
That maybe someone else is scared too.

But what if it's just me,  
What if no one else is fearful,  
It's just you,  
And it's just me.

If I invent a secret,  
Will you keep it to yourself,  
Will you keep it locked up in your mouth,  
And will you never spit it out.

Dorian stepped forward slightly to hear the quivering note but landed on a creaky floor board, the note cracked in shock, Harry's head snapped towards him. Dorian came and sat down next to the cheerless boy.

'Maybe we should talk about this' he suggested

"Why? What will it accomplish? It won't make him gone; it won't stop how I am feeling" Harry pushed his guitar to the floor and wrapped lean arms around himself.

"so what? You just going to wallow here, feeling crap and ignore me? Because I will not tolerate this, sure talking won't create instant happiness but it's a step, you need to learn to live again, just like a baby needs to learn to walk. It takes time."

Harry sighed, Dorian had punched some sense into him again. "I just feel like…what's the point in anything? Why should I form relationships, if they are just going to be taken away? And…how can I just start to laugh again or just sit and do nothing without thinking about him, about how he could be butchered up on a street or if he had just left me. What if he didn't want me? So he left. Am I that much of a burden?"

Harry's deep emerald eyes searched for lost hope in Dorian. "oh child" Dorian said holding Harry's chin, "how can you think that? If anything Rodger is not Worthing of having you in his life"

After that Dorian held harry as he cried out years of insecurity, but Dorian knew that this was a scar that ran too deep, and may never be truly healed no matter how much he tried to reinforce the value of Harry's life.

The next day Dorian made harry sign up for various combat classes like judo, and show Dorian what he learns, so they can try to incorporate it into duelling.

Dorian helped harry to finally start to deal with his grief, giving harry enough distractions to counteract the long talks about Rodger. It was a careful mix of commotion and comfort. Within those days Harry started to learn about wizarding customs, beliefs and traditions, which caused more than one heated argument. Harry felt that the beliefs of the wizarding world where unfair, having been in a powerless position himself. He also felt that the traditions where out dated and the unwillingness to see the muggle technology was ridiculous.

One of these arguments which revolved around the idea of sexism in the ministry of magic, ended with Dorian laughing. Harry who was mid-rant glared at Dorian. "Well? What is it? Does this unfairness make you laugh?" harry seethed.

"No! Its just you would be very good in muggle studies" this lead harry to wondering about which courses he would take next year in school. He started to consider various studies like sociology and psychology, he brought the matter up with Dorian, who as his guardian became eagerly intrigued by the courses.

Harry then spent a few more days at Dorian's till he knew it was time for him to try and continue with his life, considering he left all forms of communication at the apartment, so harry knew that Brian was not going to be too pleased with him.

With a heavy heart, harry left Dorian's. as the week progressed with meetings at a label's company, and returning to school, harry realised how much he missed Rodger, who would help him with scheduling, talking to him when he had a bad day, sharing thoughts or theories. Having someone to understand him. Having a father.

But what that week allowed him to see was that life was still there, it was still happening and with gradual steps he could make it through.

* * *

Severus Snape was a man of secrets; they were stored in every move he made, and in every action he considered his secrets. Vulnerability was something he feared, because vulnerability was like missing a step or tripping on a rock which spewed out his secrets like a slip of a tongue.

This is why Severus Snape knew that, deep down, becoming vulnerable towards Dumbledore was one of his biggest mistakes he would ever make. Dumbledore had slowly plucked each tiny secret that Severus had, and gloriously nipped away at them, until he gleamed one that made Dumbledore curious, curious enough to peek into the lives of two people.

It was with this secret that placed Dumbledore in a dark apartment, and it was what made him place a sleeping spell on a slumbering body.

Severus had understood the heavy weight of a secret, but what he understood more was the staggering load of guilt, he didn't know what Dumbledore had done but that night Severus had barely got any sleep.

* * *

hmmm? what is Severus's secret and how does it tie in? any guesses Post a guess!

the song is 'fear of...' by jose vanders

if you hadn't notice, this fic is just turning into a tribute to my favourite songs lol. i shall post soon!


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